I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
