I like my sex mixed with concussions.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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