Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
