How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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