in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
