"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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