You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
