Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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