I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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