everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
