I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
