Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
