Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
