Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
