smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
my poor anus
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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