genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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