Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.