I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.