I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.