i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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