Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
