i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
