at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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