spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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