dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
