I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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