Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
