Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think my moral compass just broke
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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