weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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