On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he was CRYING into my vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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