There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
