what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
