Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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