I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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