I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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