Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
