Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
