Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
40s are totally the cure
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
