$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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