Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We need to get me chipped asap
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
