she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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