Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
