I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
