I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
