Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
