Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize