I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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