matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm going to jail i love you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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