do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
