I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I did not marry a roomba.
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