LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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