I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
