Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
