I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
