i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
