Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
