My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
