The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
