I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
