You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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