also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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