I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
