But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
