And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
