Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
