Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
