But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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