Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
