he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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