the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
