lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
