OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My vagina just recognized that song.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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