Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
