Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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