i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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