Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I believe in your delicious
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
