Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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