Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
