Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
