After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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