absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
