You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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