You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
